I am not much of a blogger. I had pretty much forgotten about this place but I am stressed, tired, angry at the world and dealing with some very raw emotions, so I figured it would be good to use this outlet again.
Mostly, I am keeping my baby/pregnancy fever at bay but I guess "at bay" for me would be "on the forefront" for most people. I still think about it daily but I don't need it.
Life's crazy these days. Lorena is a wild little animal who gets naked the first chance she gets every morning. Vincent is just a baby. My baby. He's rolling, making elephant and dinosaur noises, eating his toes and we've recently begun cloth diapering. Tavo went to Colorado, borrowed $6,500 from his dad and set up a payment plan for another $5,000 or so with the school that he got his UXO tech 1 certificate at, for the job he was promised out on base, making more than double what he makes at his current job. No surprise that it fell through. Isn't that the story of our lives? So, now we need to find an extra $500 - $1,000/mo to cover all of those costs. Awesome.
I am looking for work. I mean, that's what we have kids for, right? So we can go work while they grow up? Earn a paycheck to put clothes on their backs and send some diapers to daycare? That way we can ask whoever is caring for them all day what's new with them. Miss out on all of those moments of "Look at me, I am a ballerina, mommy!" But, what can you do? Nobody has contacted me back, once again, not much of a surprise.
I am bitter. I am tired. I don't understand. I am resentful. Of what, I don't know. I am a downer, a whiner, a complainer. But, through it all, I've got my beautiful children who make me smile everyday. If/when I have to miss this, these days that I'll never get back, I don't know what I'll do.
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